It's Your Breath

It's your breath in our lungs
So we pour out our praise...

Awkward a-frame hug in the maternity ward, trying to draw near around a distended abdomen.
The cloying scent of newborn baby and hope and anticipation enveloping us.
Rejoicing.
For this one moment, suspended.
Suspended in hope.
Suspended in expectation.
"Soon.  Soon it will be us."
The elevator alerts us of its presence.
And for just that moment, we are suspended.
If I could freeze one moment in the last 1 million seconds of my life, it would be that.
Persist, daughter.
Oh, my love, persist.

It's your breath in our lungs
So we pour out our praise to you only.

No movement.
Kick counts.
Ice cream.
No.
Kick counts.
Ice cream.
No.
Showering, filled with fear.
A hidden depth acknowledging what the brain cannot.
No.
Maternity ward, again.
Labor and delivery, again.
No.
The cloying scent of newborn baby and hope enveloping us, again.
Only this time, the hope smells tenuous.
The anticipation, sickening.
"This is where the heartbeat should be."
No.

You give life, You are love
You bring light to the darkness

"She's gone.  You need to come."
"Pitocin...cervix ripeners..."
"Tests..."
"Select a funeral home to recover the body..."
"Funeral arrangements..."
"I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry."
Breathe.

You give hope, You restore
Every heart that is broken

"I can't..."
"Push..."
"Oh my JesusJesusJesus"
"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you..."
"Megan, you're almost done..."
"No, my Lord.  No, my Lord."
"...and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you..."
"Push."
"Behold your daughter."
"When you pass through the fire, you shall not be burned..."
Grave clothes woven of pink flannel, too small.
Atrociously small.
OhmyJesus, too small.
Dark hair.
Red lips.
Too small.
Tiny fingers lying limp in my hand.
"My God, my God..."
"....and the flame shall not consume you..."
"Your nose."
"Your hair."
"We love you."
"We love you."
"We love you."
"Goodbye."

All the earth will shout Your praise

Our hearts will cry, these bones will sing

Great are you, Lord.

(Listen to "Great Are You Lord" by All Sons and Daughters:  Here)