On Scales, Sin, and Self
Today I made a remarkable discovery. I weigh the same as I did three weeks ago.
What? Not remarkable? Let me back up. For the last couple of months, Loren and I have been trying to watch what we eat and get into better shape. And I stuck with it for awhile. But the last few weeks, I started to slip, and I stopped weighing myself. You see, I have a love/hate relationship with my scale. When I am eating well and losing weight, I love it. I jump out of bed in the morning to go see what I weigh, and the tenth of a pound that is probably a result of one less sip of water the night before excites me. But when I start eating my body weight in tortilla chips and washing it down with Twix bars, the scale starts gathering dust. Loren's excited words over the weight he's lost are filtered through my guilt and begin to sound like condemnation. I'm suddenly not so excited to see myself for what I really am.
Which got me thinking about my Walk. I tend to do the same thing with God. When I am spiritually patting myself on the back, following my self imposed reading plan, spending the extra minutes during my day talking to my kids about Christ, I'm pretty eager to open my Bible and search God's word. But then, I start to slip. I watch something dumb on YouTube instead of reading my Bible for a couple nights. I snap at my kids over and over for a few days. Satan attacks, blowing everything way out of proportion, making me that much more discouraged. I get defensive at the sight of my husband in the Word, having conversations in my head about my disobedience, imagining his disapproval. And suddenly, I'm not quite as excited to approach the Throne.
This afternoon has found me in prayer and repentance, realizing that God has not changed, in spite of myself. And when I finally take a deep breath and face who I really am, full of sin and self, I see Grace staring back. Which is way better than ANY number on the scale.
What? Not remarkable? Let me back up. For the last couple of months, Loren and I have been trying to watch what we eat and get into better shape. And I stuck with it for awhile. But the last few weeks, I started to slip, and I stopped weighing myself. You see, I have a love/hate relationship with my scale. When I am eating well and losing weight, I love it. I jump out of bed in the morning to go see what I weigh, and the tenth of a pound that is probably a result of one less sip of water the night before excites me. But when I start eating my body weight in tortilla chips and washing it down with Twix bars, the scale starts gathering dust. Loren's excited words over the weight he's lost are filtered through my guilt and begin to sound like condemnation. I'm suddenly not so excited to see myself for what I really am.
Which got me thinking about my Walk. I tend to do the same thing with God. When I am spiritually patting myself on the back, following my self imposed reading plan, spending the extra minutes during my day talking to my kids about Christ, I'm pretty eager to open my Bible and search God's word. But then, I start to slip. I watch something dumb on YouTube instead of reading my Bible for a couple nights. I snap at my kids over and over for a few days. Satan attacks, blowing everything way out of proportion, making me that much more discouraged. I get defensive at the sight of my husband in the Word, having conversations in my head about my disobedience, imagining his disapproval. And suddenly, I'm not quite as excited to approach the Throne.
This afternoon has found me in prayer and repentance, realizing that God has not changed, in spite of myself. And when I finally take a deep breath and face who I really am, full of sin and self, I see Grace staring back. Which is way better than ANY number on the scale.
posted by The Bakers at 2:48 PM
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